Counting days - A wife's duties

Source: Mr. Google

In 89 days, I’ll be someone’s wife. I’ll be married to someone. In 89 days from today, the roles and responsibilities shall be shifted. He’ll be my protector and provider. The roles of my parents were since the day I delivered to the world. Will he nurture me and love me, an endless love, an unconditionally as parent’s love to their daughter?

I’ll be bonded to him, no longer to my parents. His permission shall the one I seek for, even just for visiting my own parents.

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. 

Surah An-nisa, 34.  http://quran.com/4

What are the duties of husband?

Protect the wife

Provide her foods, shelter and clothing (support her financially)

Giving her love (taking care of her psychological and emotional needs too).

In return, wife should obey her husband, in matters that are not against Islam/Quran. Second, wife should guard the husband's honour and property as well as the wife's own loyalty towards him and giving him love too.

Obedient is a huge word. But that’s the wife’s first duty. That’s not really easy to be frank, for persistent person with stubborn and having her own thought. For example, if you are ask to dress properly in accordance to Shariat. I may wear hijab since kid, but I aware that I’m not covered it enough. Even wear hijab, I sometime wear ¾ sleeve shirt. Sometime, I love to wear Kebaya Nyonya, although mine wasn't that body hugging and loose, but still the shape was obvious to not be noticed. It same goes to wear too much cosmetic and accessories which meant to draw other’s attention.

Surah An-nisa verse 34, clearly stated that husband is the solely breadwinner in the family. Through my reading, even the wife is a millionaire, that doesn't give the husband right to take even a penny of the wife’s money. However, if the husband giving his consent for his wife to work, and the wife with her wholehearted willing to help the husband financially with her own wage. The only matter is that, most of time, when the wife earns more than husband, or she has her own money, the husband begins to loosen his duty. The burden suddenly rested on the wife’s shoulder. From house loan, utilities bills, paying maid or baby sitter, household and even the groceries, all on the wife to provide. First few years, yes, the wife may be able to cope with its. But as time flies, when kids became irritating by their hyper and uncontrollable behaviours, family matters became unmanageable, too much things in her hands, and your relationship with your husband became bitter, turned to more parenting oriented, one day you’ll be exploded and burst. Wife tends to lose her respect on the husband as she begins to think that ‘I’ll survive with or without him’. It’s a warning sign.

So again, it is the husband duty, to make a peace of his own family and the wife duty to obey.

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the best woman is the one that pleases her husband. When he looks at her, she pleases him. When he commands her, she obeys him. When he absent himself (goes away on a journey etc.) she protects his wealth and his honour. (BAIHAQI) http://www.shariahprogram.ca/women-islam/sayings-of-prophet-pbuh.shtml

Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: There are 3 persons whose salaah is not accepted nor does any good act of theirs reach the sky. Firstly, a runaway slave until he returns to his master. Secondly, a woman whose husband is displeased with her and thirdly an intoxicated person as long as he does not repent from using intoxicants. (BAIHAQI) http://www.shariahprogram.ca/women-islam/sayings-of-prophet-pbuh.shtml

Just imagine how serious of displease the husband; disobey him even worst, neither the wife's salaah is not accepted nor any other good deed of hers.

Featherstone

source: Mr. Google

And ah, right back at her. For didn’t he just love his wife the, at that very second of her lovely life, didn’t he, Johnny? Didn’t he just love her, with her smile and her laugh…

She touched his arm, and maybe that was the thing, just there. For didn’t he just love her again then, for the touch, for her gentle touch? For her hand that she laid upon his arm and the ring there she wore on her lovely hand, that he’d given her years, long enough time ago now, if you added up the years, long enough ago, and he’d give her the ring again, if he could, over and over he’d like to give it, just to keep her smiling, the darling girl, just to keep her with him..

Johnny Carmichaels (Page 66-67), Featherstone by Kristy Gunn 

Dress the bride (part 1)

Hye there. I'm back. The title has enough said about this entry. Growing up as a girl reading her mum’s ‘Wanita’ and  ‘Nona’ magazines had influenced my sense of fashion. I'm not saying that I'm such a fashion liberated, but I used to dream being a fashion designer although I not so good to the needles.

What I want to emphasis here is that, I became such a particular and detail person. It has been my childhood dream of wearing the mermaid wedding dress, embracing the curve, and the mermaid tails will give justice to my out-of-proportion too narrow at the top and noticeable wider at the bottom. Even back then, I did intend to wear the maroon traditional songket attire, but I quite unsettled when thinking of what shawl’s colour suit the songket most. Songket and traditional headgear just like what Dato’ CT wore in Cindai video clip would complement the traditional Malay soul of songket. (the truth, I could not resist the modern wedding dress. Feeling princess here.. haha).

Above is the most resemble maroon Terengganu Songket attire I could found. So traditional, so classic. But you have to headgear just like Siti Nurhaliza during performing a Malay folk song, Cindai. and hire Gamelan team to instil the traditional mood..

Although all the two dresses do not so mermaid alike, the flare at the bottom part weren't too obvious, but these captured my heart the most. I more into subtle, vintage and feminine looks. I could imagine myself in these dresses and feeling pretty. Haha. White dress for wedding. What a lovely and pure of joy wedding day it would be. The best part is, you don’t need to fork out every cent of your money because these exquisite and elegance are possible to be made-to-measure by Chloe. Even if you are not so big fan of white, you can choose any colour from the colour lists. Actually my dear friend had introduced Chloe as she did wore the dress from Chloe collection. You will be surprise by how cheap the dress would cost you. A very good money (double or even triple cheaper) compared to rental at bridal boutique for few hours wearing. Here in KL and Klang Valley, the rental may cost you from RM1K onwards for the latest design. I've went to several bridal house and found this, Emma Pesona have the most latest and sophisticated dresses ever. Even her dresses haven’t featuring any local bridal-wedding magazines just yet, but they really stand out and yet affordable for budget b2b like me. The dresses are in really good quality even after several wears. I did tried one from her collection, it never been wear yet. An A ball, princess cut dress in champagne duchess satin for the shirt and and for top she used greyish Prada lace. What a such combination. It was gorgeous. For a thin bride, the dress would be the most preferable choice ever and you would be the centre of attraction that day (of cause, you are bride! All the eyes will be on you).

Although I have been quite certain with the dress look, and it took me months after months to finalize the most desirable dress ever, yet my mum hold the ultimate decision. White dress rejected. Arghhhh. My vintage all white wedding dream crushed. I almost cried. I've been dreaming so much of the first dress. I will be wearing the simple, modest yet so-me dress, at the least cost (RM600++). I almost making the impossible dream come true. Therefore, my dear friends and b2b, never ever indulge yourself into your wedding dream. It is a family wedding dream certainly. I've learned my lesson. My closest friend also a b2b by this Merdeka day agreed with me on the statement. 

Let’s continue with the other dresses which you may fall in love with.  I was so much adore Ellie Saab and Zuhair Murad both Lebonese born fashion designers. Studded with gold heart dress (from far, it seem like you are covered with butterflies.Wowww) is phenomenal. Simple yet elegance. Although not so preferable choice for your big day, the dress would be remember-able the most.

Gold studded princess cut dress by Zuhair Murad

Beautiful dress by Valentino

Heart shape at chest, mermaid skirt, high collared in pure white. Delicately irresistible vintage look by Yaki Yazid.

Another design by Yaki Yazid. A long white lace with ribbon belt to emphasize the hour glass shape. And a short kebaya inspired (i just saying) peplum waist and mermaid skirt. Simply gorgeous. ;D

Orange, mint green, greyish blue, yellow dresses also captured my heart. If only I could wear any of these dresses. I could only be dreaming.....

Freaky me

Last night I reached home late almost 11.30pm. I was terribly tired but I enjoyed the lecture pretty much. (My lecturer so energetic. She will entertain your question even the clock shown 10.30pm, class should be dismissed by that time). That wasn't the thing buzzing my mind. Today, I’m fasting even without sahur. And I’m super tired and sleepy and starving too. (I always looked sleepy..haha). Either of being tired or sleepy never ever hunting me. I don’t where to start. I've numbers of assignment need to be completed. I've stuck up by ‘justification’ type of question. I couldn't stop myself thinking of my wedding prep which almost no progress at all. I couldn't made up my mind on MUA, whether to take bridal package which inclusive make-up, bride n groom attires, hand bouquet, and pelamin but I still craving for my dress wedding dress (custom-made dress). It took me months to finally decide the look of my wedding dress. (Frankly speaking, it may take me forever. Mr. F must be annoyed by me.hahaha). Catering service haven’t confirm yet. My mum insisted on hiring caterer which her friend hired for her daughter wedding. As my mum herself had tasted and witnessed the service delivered. However, she not even knows the caterer name and contact no. A warning sign! I might such a last-minute person, but definitely no last minute decision for wedding prep.

P/s: happy teacher’s day to all. ;D

Let's bake yummy bread pudding. here  I haven't try yet..huhu

Grand her a second chance

Saturday, 4^th May

It was late evening when I read the massage from my friend, T. My closest friend during my senior year of secondary school admitted in ICU. Just a few days before I replied her FB’s private massage. I was so crashed receiving the news. I ran immediately telling my mum and other family members who were watching the PRU13 analysis on national tv channel. I was crying my heart out. It was so painful for me to shallow. I cried alone until I fallen asleep. I don’t have a gut to visit her that day.

Sunday, 5^th May

The voting day. Last night I’ve planned to visit A immediately after casting my vote accompany by Mar. I managed to reach the hospital half hour before visiting hour ended. I was holding Mar’s hand while entering the ICU room. There were 8 beds, each of patients with a lot of wires around their bodies. I did wear my spectacle. A is in bed no. 6. I looked for the bed‘s number. I saw someone laying hopelessly with blue bruises on the arm. As I came closer that was A. There was no word to express the sorrow I felt inside as I set my eyes on hers. Ya Allah. Tears running heavily I couldn’t bear to hold any longer. She was attended by a pretty nurse when we arrived. Mar chuckled, but she abled to ask few questions and gathered some info from the nurse. Lung infection that attacked her last 2 nights had shown a positive progress. According to the nurse, A is getting better than the first time she arrived. Mar kept talking to A as she could move her eye lid up and down. I stood numbly beside her, held her arm without a word spoken out. ‘Pls say something’, said Mar to me. I gathered all the strength I could have that moment, held back my tears, started mentioning every friend name I could remember whom send their regards and promise to visit her. 

As the time came to an end, her mum came and approached us. I asked about the bruises on her body. That were causing by the traditional treatment performed by her own dad / her dad’s follower. Her mum confidently told us that they refused to give consent for any operation and forced A to agree on no operation by blinking her eyes twice. Instead, a doctor graduated herself (her mum), persistent in continuing the homeopathy treatment which demonstrated to her before being hospitalized. The hospital’s guard came to escort us out. Before went home, we met A’s doctor sister and to our huge surprise the tumor in A’s brain are as big as 6cm x 6cm both right and left. Even the brain had been squeezed out of the scalp. Ya Allah. All this while, A never mentioned about the tumor size and uncountable time informed us that nothing much to be worried. She kept almost everything within her. The pain, the sorrow. She only shared her disappointment towards her sibling’s laziness and other people whom driving her mad.

Tuesday, 7^th May 2013

Receiving a massage from Mar. A became weaker. The infection worsens and the tumor had affecting the nerve which believes the cause of her weaker. I was stunned and cried and praying for her good health.

Wednesday, 8^th May 2013

During a maghrib break at 7.30pm, I read massage from T who just came back from visiting A. Her head had been cut bold as the doctor prepared to perform the operation in removing those tumors. I remembered A informed me that the tumors are not cancer since they are belign tumors (malignant tumor does) which through my limited reading, grow at one place and cannot spread out or invade in other part of body. But now, it seems the tumors did spread out. Gosh. Another major frustrated my friends and I were A’s mum postponed the operation which supposed to be held today. Her dad’s followers were doing their ritual (I’m not sure whether ritual is the exact word) and causing the bruises around her neck and chest. Ya Allah. 

p/s: A week before the election, I invite her to go for voting together. but A refused. She doesn't want to cost me any trouble. I knew she barely walk. Her spirit and the sense of responsibility as a Malaysian I truly inspired.  Pls pray for her.. 

A plain gold ring on my forth finger

I am wearing a plain gold ring on my forth finger. And it does meant something. I’m engaged! Yes. You read it correctly. I didn’t telling my entire close friends about it. Only a few closest friends and relatives made known to it. No photo uploaded onto my FB album. I didn’t change my status. There was a time when people trying to pry into my private life (the boyfriend things) I did once or twice boldly replied ‘if I have one, telling the world I would’. The truth is I am not as bold as that. I have no intention of keeping it secret. As a week ago my dear cousin (I had a strong sensed that she’s the one and only who going to make public of my engagement) posted on my FB wall ‘where are your engagement photos?’ Yes. Now, the whole world knew about it. Great!

“Rahsiakan pertunangan dan iklankan (maklumkan) tentang perkahwinan” (Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair Radhiyallahu ‘anhu, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil) 

What shall I do next? Should I share all the photos? Or should I just abandon her post? I chose to ignore her. Hehehe.  

People must be questioning what is wrong putting your photos on FB? I genuinely bliss with our engagement as we are one step closer to ‘grow old together’. But something kept hunting me. I felt inappropriate to overly exposing the engagement matters. Moreover, we just held a humble and small ceremony and only attended by family members. I didn't have mini pelamin or dais, no make-up artist (my BFF volunteered to do the make-up), my mum did the cooking with the help of my sisters and her sister and my 2 cousins. I self-decorated the hantaran (gifts) for him. Regardless of my mum commented saying that the hantaran looked alike diy school project, I tried to hide the shame I felt inside.

When everyone else spent thousands of money on their dais and engagement outfit, I spent that money for my postgraduate fee. My study fee was nearly equal to merisikgallery’s engagement Package A. Therefore, there was nothing much to be shared about my e-day.

With this announcement, I’m officially bride-to-be (b2b) and a bridezilla-soon-to-be. worker+student+b2b = (-_-) arggghhhhh!!!!!!

p/s: it’s been 3 months since my e-day..and w-day is just a few months away from now.. hmmmm.. 

Teaching a man to fish

There is a famous saying that it is better to teach a man to fish than giving him a fish. The cash hand-out is an effort in futility. It will have little or no impact on people who are struggling to make ends meet. Going by the way prices of goods and services have escalated, the money will be gone in a jiffy and it will be forgotten. 

- Chandramukhi Laxmanan, PJ

  the Sun, April 19, 2013

Last week while i was having my lunch at MBPJ's cafe, I had overheard (such a busybody) conversation of three men and two women sat next to my table. One of the guys asked his colleagues, who will you vote to? These women confidently declared 'of course **! They’ll give us money (BR1M)’. Frankly, I don't care about their votes. The reason of their voting even scared me enough. Are you really thought that you can rely on the government's season money giving to survive here in KL and Klang Valley? Come on!

The skyrocketing of goods and services prices were the main reason why city citizen shortage of money. Back then, I seldom went to wet-market for groceries. Recently, I started to do the groceries shopping (I volunteered and kind of enjoy it) every Saturday or Sunday morning and then only I knew the cost of meat, chicken, fishes, onion, and etc. The price keep increasing. Nowadays, for each kilogram of ‘ikan kembung’ (the cheapest protein sources) will cost you RM12.50 to RM13. Looking back (10 years back), the same ‘ikan kembung’ will only cost you RM6 to RM7.

The ultimate problem that city citizen facing in daily life is uncontrollable of daily needs prices. I did remembered last few years when the government announced an increasing of sugar price, the minister kept remind us about the ‘bad’ of sugar, urge us to stop sugar consumption. Still, the root cause didn't resolve.

Although everyone kept talking about the increase of crude oil price being the solely reason of rising of the goods prices, yet, the crude oil price is not everyday sky shooting. The patent is fluctuated. Even if there was a fall in the crude oil price, the price of goods remained the same even worst, keep rocketing.

Regardless who’s going to win this PRU13, I begged pls control the goods and services prices. Peace.