Sunday, 28 July 2013

Counting days - A wife's duties

Source: Mr. Google

In 89 days, I’ll be someone’s wife. I’ll be married to someone. In 89 days from today, the roles and responsibilities shall be shifted. He’ll be my protector and provider. The roles of my parents were since the day I delivered to the world. Will he nurture me and love me, an endless love, an unconditionally as parent’s love to their daughter?

I’ll be bonded to him, no longer to my parents. His permission shall the one I seek for, even just for visiting my own parents.

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand. 
Surah An-nisa, 34.

What are the duties of husband?
Protect the wife
Provide her foods, shelter and clothing (support her financially)
Giving her love (taking care of her psychological and emotional needs too).

In return, wife should obey her husband, in matters that are not against Islam/Quran. Second, wife should guard the husband's honour and property as well as the wife's own loyalty towards him and giving him love too.

Obedient is a huge word. But that’s the wife’s first duty. That’s not really easy to be frank, for persistent person with stubborn and having her own thought. For example, if you are ask to dress properly in accordance to Shariat. I may wear hijab since kid, but I aware that I’m not covered it enough. Even wear hijab, I sometime wear ¾ sleeve shirt. Sometime, I love to wear Kebaya Nyonya, although mine wasn't that body hugging and loose, but still the shape was obvious to not be noticed. It same goes to wear too much cosmetic and accessories which meant to draw other’s attention.

Surah An-nisa verse 34, clearly stated that husband is the solely breadwinner in the family. Through my reading, even the wife is a millionaire, that doesn't give the husband right to take even a penny of the wife’s money. However, if the husband giving his consent for his wife to work, and the wife with her wholehearted willing to help the husband financially with her own wage. The only matter is that, most of time, when the wife earns more than husband, or she has her own money, the husband begins to loosen his duty. The burden suddenly rested on the wife’s shoulder. From house loan, utilities bills, paying maid or baby sitter, household and even the groceries, all on the wife to provide. First few years, yes, the wife may be able to cope with its. But as time flies, when kids became irritating by their hyper and uncontrollable behaviours, family matters became unmanageable, too much things in her hands, and your relationship with your husband became bitter, turned to more parenting oriented, one day you’ll be exploded and burst. Wife tends to lose her respect on the husband as she begins to think that ‘I’ll survive with or without him’. It’s a warning sign.

So again, it is the husband duty, to make a peace of his own family and the wife duty to obey.

Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that the best woman is the one that pleases her husband. When he looks at her, she pleases him. When he commands her, she obeys him. When he absent himself (goes away on a journey etc.) she protects his wealth and his honour. (BAIHAQI)

Nabi Kareem Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: There are 3 persons whose salaah is not accepted nor does any good act of theirs reach the sky. Firstly, a runaway slave until he returns to his master. Secondly, a woman whose husband is displeased with her and thirdly an intoxicated person as long as he does not repent from using intoxicants. (BAIHAQI)

Just imagine how serious of displease the husband; disobey him even worst, neither the wife's salaah is not accepted nor any other good deed of hers.

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